Rhodar Widow
This title/nickname is a little harder to swallow this time of year 1. Because it’s my favourite time of year and 2. This is the longest stint we have experienced being apart as a family.
Admittedly we are only 2 weeks or so into it but we started it thinking it was 2 days then 2/3 weeks and now we are at the point where they keep extending the time working away and we are currently on 7 weeks. I walk around with a heavy heart, food has lost its taste and if I either see or hear something that’s even remotely sentimental or I talk about hubby too much I burst into deep deep sobbing at the thought of it all. Yes you may think it’s strange as we have a love hate relationship, he drives me totally insane when he’s at home but I love it so much having him here with us. We have been through so much together and to be completely honest with you I currently feel like I’ve lost a limb. There’s part of me where I think I need to get a grip, it’s only 7 or so weeks but the other part of me feels totally gutted as the work life balance is so far outweighed that I know we’ll only have a weekend together when he’s back and I kind of wish he worked on the rigs as then at least he could drive us crazy for a decent amount of time before leaving for work again.
Don’t get me wrong I am totally thankful for everything our man does, we are so lucky to have our little life that we do and there’s never a moment of feeling ungrateful. But, here’s the but…. this time of year is supposed to be lovely and cosy… shorter day’s, longer nights which means snuggling on the sofa under a blanket, feet touching, toes intertwined, watching shitty tv while eating comfort food, candles lit and that particular look where you catch eyes and without saying a single word you just know that there’s nowhere else either of you would rather be.
At the moment I spend my time juggling and planning things in with my bestie, my little G, she keeps me going and she’s just incredible with her spirit and her beautiful personality. We are also surrounded by so many incredible friends that we are never short of fun things to do but for the last 2 weeks I have really struggled. I’ve cried more times than I like to admit, my lashes are looking like spiders legs and I’m in this incredibly sensitive mood about it where all I can do is long to be back on our little family bubble. It’s such a strange feeling living your favourite time of year without having your loved one by your side. Halloween is supposed to be fun for the whole family and both of us enjoying taking photos of G in her outfit. Bonfire night which happens to be my favourite night of the year and it’s super romantic with the heat from the fire, the ash flying around and the fireworks to watch and again he’s not here to enjoy it with us. My birthday coming up too and it’s as if it’s just another Thursday and again, all I could possibly wish for is to see his face pop through the front door and walk up to me and throw his arms around G and I. My first birthday when we first got together (pre G) he did just that and if I could have that as my only birthday present I’d have it in a heartbeat. I’m so lucky to have G and lucky that it’s not me having to miss out on watching her grow like he is, lucky it’s not me that’s having to live out of a suitcase and not be in my own bed, but I have to say I’d much rather he was here and home each night, or each weekend… there’s more spiders in our Hoover than I care to imagine, the fixing station for G’s toys is growing, I find myself smelling the lid of his fragrance and wishing I had more of his clothes to pick up or wash. It’s an unsettling feeling having too much tidiness and routine in the house without him. I’m genuinely believing you can’t win in life, we always want what we can’t have right?! But for anyone that is lucky enough to have their loved one next to them during these cosy autumn evenings, make sure you hug them extra tight and enjoy the snuggles as I can definitely vouch that there’s so many that would walk over hot coals to be snuggled up on the sofa right now….
much love from the temporary, hopefully not too long Rhodar Widow
(misunderstood mummy) xxx
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